how my healing happened

Before working with sound and psychedelics in a ceremonial way, I didn’t realize how much I had been numbing myself. I had been so habituated in cheap hits of dopamine that I was settling for the shallow end of the pool. My world had been so externally driven that I completely overlooked the alchemy available inside.

Then I walked into a sound and psilocybin journey that my friend Paul was guiding. After he sat down behind his Tibetan singing bowls and in front of his gong, he made a point of saying, “Just remember – you are your greatest healer.” Meanwhile, I didn’t even realize I needed healing.

Despite experiencing acute levels of anxiety at that point in my life, it hadn’t occurred to me that the source of it was way deeper than something I could put words on. Even as I had developed an addiction to cannabis, I hadn’t thought to investigate why I felt so compelled to smoke it. And although I wasn’t feeling inspired to have a child with my then-wife, I was avoiding facing what that was really about too.

Thankfully, my friend Paul planted that seed about how healing could happen before he invited us to put our eye masks on and lay down on our mats. What I discovered by going so deep inside myself with that in mind is that there was so much pain I still hadn’t processed and it was time to finally alchemize it.

Thanks to the depth of those tones and the magic of those mushrooms, I was able to feel more in that experience than in all of my therapy sessions combined. I became acutely aware that the pop psychology I had consumed over the years actually gave me all the catchphrases to bypass all of my uncomfortable feelings but that I ultimately didn’t have the tools to get to the root of it until now. 

It dawned on me that while I thought I had moved on from certain trauma and disappointment— my heart really hadn’t. My mind had rationalized things that still needed to be processed somatically. So there I was in Paul’s care along with those rich sounds that had the energy, frequency and vibration to truly hold that heartbreak. My chest felt like a dam cracking open with a waterfall of pain that was finally having its way. As I brought my attention back to the sound— those feelings finally had the right riverbanks to flow through.  

After years of subconsciously suppressing my feelings as I focused on explaining them instead, this was the moment my soul had been yearning for. I had heard the saying about “feeling it to heal it” but the confines of conversation and the limitations of language didn’t help me get past my conditioning so I could truly feel it all. The tones of those instruments and the way Paul played them was a portal to feel more and as it turns out that is exactly what I needed to heal more.

By going inside with sound and psilocybin, I was able to uproot and transform things deep in my psyche and soul in a way that I hadn’t before. So while I had logically processed so many things in my therapist's office, this experience worked with the energy that needed to move. There was a soul surgery that going deeper inside myself with those sacred tools helped me have. 

Without the need to package things together through the mind, I was able to reach those deeper layers of my process and unlock what was still tied up at the level of the soul. After spending most of my life putting a premium on being liked and getting the approval of others, that habituation took a break as I followed the sound and tapped in deeper with my soul. 

By going inside myself and dropping in instead of popping out, there was a womb like experience in that stillness where a real rebirth could take hold. There was a depth of wisdom I could feel in the core of my being where I could properly perceive my truth. 

This journey with sound set the table for what the great David Lynch referred to as "catching the big fish" in the deeper layers of my consciousness. It’s a level of awareness that helped me see the whole game and not just the linear level. It’s a state of mind where I could get past the patterns of my default mode and design instead.

That session with Paul and all my sessions since then have raised the bar for how attuned I can feel, especially since becoming a facilitator of these journeys myself. It was the beginning of an awakening that resulted in getting divorced and eventually falling in love with my dream girl. By getting to the root of my pain I was able to quit smoking weed and take on my path as a shamanic guide. By clearing out the clutter I had the space to mentor others and build Sound Sanctuary Academy.   

So while the world has become a place where so many of us are leaning on AI for our answers, we each have our own more authentically sourced and sustainable answers if we use the right tools to get to the gold mine inside.

If you feel called to go deeper with sound, click here to explore scheduling a private session with a certified Sound Sanctuary practitioner near you. And if you’re feeling called to potentially facilitate this kind of journey and become a certified practitioner with us, apply here for our next academy coming up in Portugal from October 8-14th